Creating Safe Spaces for Incest Survivors: The Heart of Trauma-Informed Care
There’s a kind of silence that lives in the bodies of incest survivors.
It’s not just the quiet of unsaid words — it’s the quiet of swallowed screams, the stillness of survival.
For many of us, safety was never something we felt — it was something we performed. We smiled when terrified. We hugged when we wanted to run. We said “I’m fine” when we were breaking.
That’s why trauma-informed care isn’t just a clinical concept here at Holey House — it’s sacred work. It’s the art of rebuilding safety where safety was once stolen.
What Trauma-Informed Care Really Means for Survivors
At its heart, trauma-informed care means this:
“I see what happened to you. I believe you. And I will not add to your pain.”
For survivors of incest, that promise is everything.
We grew up in betrayal — hurt by those who should have protected us, silenced by those who should have listened. So when we walk into therapy, community, or relationship, we’re not just looking for help. We’re searching for proof that safety can exist.
Trauma-informed care recognizes that our nervous systems are still living inside the echoes of violation. It doesn’t ask us to “get over it.” It asks, What would safety need to look like for you, right now?
The Principles of Trauma-Informed Care (Through a Survivor’s Eyes)
1. Safety – Safety isn’t just a locked door. It’s a tone of voice, a soft chair, a therapist who doesn’t flinch when we tell the truth. Our bodies decide what feels safe long before our minds do.
2. Trustworthiness – For survivors, trust is sacred currency. We’ve been bankrupted by broken promises. A trauma-informed approach rebuilds trust slowly, through consistency, clear communication, and honoring every “no” we give.
3. Choice – Incest stripped us of choice. We learned that “no” was dangerous, “stop” was useless, and our bodies didn’t belong to us. Healing means reclaiming that autonomy — being asked what we need, being believed when we answer.
4. Collaboration – Healing doesn’t happen to us; it happens with us. Trauma-informed care invites survivors into the process, treating us as partners, not projects.
5. Empowerment – When the world silenced us, we became experts in survival. Empowerment means recognizing that — not as weakness, but as the very strength that kept us alive.
Why Safe Spaces Matter
You can’t heal in the same atmosphere that made you sick.
Safety is not a luxury for incest survivors — it’s oxygen.
Without it, every attempt at healing feels like holding our breath under water, hoping someone will finally notice we’re drowning.
A safe space might look like a therapist’s office that smells like lavender instead of antiseptic. It might sound like the soft hum of a white-noise machine masking silence that once felt unbearable. It might feel like sitting in a support group where no one looks away when you say the word “incest.”
Safe spaces are not only physical — they’re emotional, spiritual, relational. They are the places where our bodies stop bracing for the next betrayal.
The Foundation: Safety and Trust
Before we can process, remember, or forgive, we have to feel safe.
That means knowing we can say, “I can’t talk about that today,” and the person across from us won’t push. It means having boundaries respected — not questioned. It means trust that grows like moss, slow but steady, until one day, it covers what was once barren.
In trauma-informed therapy, this looks like the clinician explaining each step before it happens. In relationships, it looks like a partner asking, “Do you feel okay right now?” instead of assuming. In community, it looks like spaces that allow survivors to speak without shame or censorship.
Safety isn’t a stage you graduate from — it’s a condition we must continuously nurture.
Trauma-Informed Healing in Action
Different survivors will need different tools. Some may find comfort in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which helps untangle traumatic memories stored in the body. Others may prefer somatic therapies, reconnecting to the body that betrayal once evicted us from.
At Holey House, we also believe in the sacred rituals of self-care — journaling, painting, prayer, breathwork — as trauma-informed practices. Because safety isn’t only found in offices or with clinicians. It’s found in our morning routines, our boundaries, our art, and the small, everyday acts of self-tending that whisper: You’re safe now.
The Ripple Effect: Trauma-Informed Communities
Healing cannot exist in isolation.
Imagine a world where schools, hospitals, workplaces, and families all understood trauma’s fingerprints. Where “What’s wrong with you?” was replaced with “What happened to you?”
A trauma-informed society would know that survivors don’t need to be fixed — we need to be understood.
Children would be believed the first time they spoke. Adults would be supported when they finally found the courage to tell. And systems would stop retraumatizing the very people they claim to protect.
That is the kind of world Holey House envisions — one safe space at a time.
For Professionals: A Note of Reverence
If you’re a therapist, doctor, teacher, or healer reading this — know that working with incest survivors requires more than training. It requires humility.
Our trauma lives in the body, not just the story. We read tone, energy, and presence long before words. We can tell if you’re uncomfortable. We can feel when you’re not ready for our truth.
Please, do the work to make yourself safe for us. Learn about dissociation. Understand betrayal trauma. Don’t pathologize our defenses — honor them. They were how we survived.
The Benefits of Doing It Right
When survivors receive trauma-informed care, miracles happen.
The nightmares lessen. The panic quiets. The body softens.
Trust begins to rebuild in places where it was once scorched earth.
We learn to inhabit our bodies again — not as war zones, but as homes.
We learn that intimacy can be safe, that love can be chosen, that silence can finally be peaceful.
And when that happens, we don’t just heal ourselves — we heal generations.
The Invitation
If you’re an incest survivor reading this: you deserve safety.
You deserve care that doesn’t question your pain or rush your process.
You deserve a world that meets you with compassion, not curiosity.
At Holey House, we are building that world with you — a place where healing is sacred, where your story is honored, and where every crack in your soul becomes an opening for light.
Because trauma once built walls inside of you.
But together, we’re creating rooms of safety, doors of trust, and windows wide open to the possibility of peace.